Straighter Darker Trees

I think the memories you form of someone when you’re a little kid are the most brilliant and most lasting of all. That being said, you would think it would be easier to put into words the huge impact that someone like my grandfather has had on my life. To say I was proud of him would be an understatement. To simply say that he loved us would not do him justice. Is it bold of me to say that he was a hero to everyone who knew him? What I am sure of is that he is the most fascinating person I have ever known, and I never tired of hearing about his adventures.

I can remember family holiday dinners where we would sit around the table for what seemed like hours after the meal was over, begging for just one more story of his travels. As I remember, he was never the one to offer the stories; he had to be goaded. After many “please, please PLEASEs” he would relent and we would listen enraptured to the tale of how he acquired the table sized gong-like dish in a market in Morocco, or the noisy clock from Germany. Or, more close-to-home tales such as my young father speeding away on a moped while Gramp was sitting on the back, leaving him on his backside in the middle of the road (accompanied by much cursing). To us as kids, there was no end to the hilarity of this.

The travel stories were my favorite, however, and I dreamed of one day seeing the world like he had. The romance of flying off to Tokyo or London as if it was just across town sounded incredibly exciting, and it goes without saying that the idea of air travel in our family was never something that was discouraged. Any apprehension that I may have had never took root, because as long as there was - at least in my young imagination- someone like my grandfather sitting in that cockpit I knew nothing bad was ever going to happen to me. I believe that same seed has been planted in my sister and brother as well as myself. It has carried us all over the world and is why I cant be there today. I hope I am living in his path. After all, it’s an amazing path to aim for.

It’s also much more than just memories of him that I carry with me but part of his spirit as well, which has been instilled in me from a young age. I have been blessed with his patience as well as his temper, his spirit of adventure and sociability as well as the love of quiet moments at home spent with a book. He will be greatly missed, but I will bring him with me on all my life’s future adventures and I know he’s still up there in the cockpit looking after me.

So bored and lonely, and my husbands best suggestion is “go stop in and check out the church.”

Shoot me.

And im fairly convinced that I will not want to get on it at the other end when it’s time to come back.

An email I recently sent to the chain store Pets at Home when they refused to sell me a fish:

“I have a serious concern about the store policy of only selling fish to tanks with filtration systems in place. I recently tried to purchase a betta fish from the Chelmsford store and was told that I could not buy the fish to be kept in a simple fish bowl. I am an experienced aquarist of both fresh and marine tanks and have kept tanks for most of my life. I ran the aquatics department in a US based Petco, and have bred betta fish in my own home. The natural habitat of the fish in tropical regions is in warm, stagnant pools of water. Based on this environment, they have an organ in their heads which allow (and require) them to breathe at the surface of the water regardless of how aerated it is. I know for a fact that this is why they are shipped to the stores in 2x3 baggies pumped with oxygen. They DO NOT require a filtration system to thrive. In fact in my exerience my bettas have survived longer and been healthier in non aerated/ filtered tanks. Pets at Home’s blanket policy of requiring filtration when purchasing a fish does not take in the best interests of betta fish. Please consider changing this policy to allow the fish to live in an environment more akin its natural one, and instead educate customers on the needs of this fish instead of lumping it into a “general” category of care. Thank you, and I eagerly await your response.”

If just ONE month could go by without something happening that makes me feel like a horrible failure of a human being… That would be completely awesome.

??

So, this is a little personal.

Out tonight browsing and shopping, and I decide to try on a new swimsuit. Its a little bit different, one piece but with a plunging neckline down to the belly button. Not quite a one piece, but not quite a bikini. I’m staring at myself in the mirror and realize I can’t really pull it off. Oh well. But I stepped out of the dressing room to get my husbands opinion anyway. So I say, “I don’t have the body for this anymore, do I?”

And he raises his eyebrows, turns, and walks out.

So I change and head back to the front of the store. Kinda pissed, kinda hurt, kinda appreciative of his honesty. I think he knew I was a little upset, but tried to cover it up with a joke. He said, “hey, we all knew this day would come! I was there 3 years ago!” And variations thereof.

Men out there, I don’t care how long you’ve been with someone, how close you are, or how strong your relationship is; your wife, girlfriend, partner is still the same insecure 14-year-old deep down. It’s never easy for her to hear. Even if it’s true.

As for me? I’m skipping lunch tomorrow and going for a run.